Category: "Column 2"
Column two of The Kollman Report delivers the day’s biggest headlines with sharp humor, quick analysis, and a late-night comedy twist on the news.
- LOS ANGELES BALLOTS LITERALLY TOO HOT TO HANDLE
Los Angeles ballots got fire damage—apparently even the drop box wanted to vote, then quit.
- EPSTEIN’S LAST LEGACY: FROZEN MANHOOD
Jeffrey Epstein wanted to spread his DNA; now even his sperm needs a legal representative.
- ICE RIOT ERUPTS IN NEWARK, 20 ARRESTED!
Arrests, tear gas, chaos—Newark’s ICE showdown explodes as masked agitators scatter under curfew
- GARLAND’S “SOLO” RAID HAD COMPANY
New emails say Garland played solo? Washington’s accountability system just formed a jazz trio.
- Pride Fest hit by mpox
Boston’s Pride kickoff is days away, but a viral outbreak may derail everything.
- FIERY PROTESTS: NOW WITH MORE NONPROFIT VENEER
Hasan Piker says he missed the subpoena, proving even Marxists can’t locate the paperwork department.
- BUREAUCRACY FUNDED OCTOBER 7
Biden’s tax dollars allegedly funded the protest, then the protest funded the outrage—very efficient government.
- BEAUFORT CASTLE, NOW WITH MORE EVACUATION
Israel’s map now says: evacuate first, ask questions somewhere north of the Zahrani.
- Rain-soaked WWII vet stuns crowd
A rain-soaked WWII hero silences the crowd with a warning no one expected.
- FREY HONORS FLOYD ON MEMORIAL DAY!
Memorial Day erupts as Jacob Frey honors George Floyd — and conservatives see red
- TRUMP RAISES PEACE STAKES
Trump says an Iran deal could reshape the Middle East—and force new countries to choose sides.
- FERTILITY FREEFALL HITS LOW
America’s fertility crisis just hit a new low — and the numbers are still sliding.
- THUNE BLOCKS CBDC BAN
Washington insiders are moving to keep a digital dollar alive—and one lawmaker says he heard it firsthand.
- CHICK-FIL-A CASH HEIST… RAKES IN $80K
Former Chick-fil-A worker accused of 800 fake refunds, and $80,000 vanished fast!
- TRUMP TO PULL GERMANY TROOPS
Trump threatens to pull troops from Germany — but Washington’s leverage may be fading fast.
- TRANSGENDER SPORTS ROW ENDS IN LEGAL VICTORY
A Christian school punished for refusing a transathlete just scored a stunning legal victory over Vermont
- BANK CASH BLOCKED, MAN BRINGS EXHUMED REMAINS
Man carries a skeleton into a bank—and what staff demanded next sparked outrage
- PETERS COMMUTED TODAY, INVESTIGATED BY LUNCH
Tina Peters’ sentence got commuted, but the bureaucracy still wants another nine years of paperwork.
- Teen rider accused in horse stabbings
Three horses stabbed at a Las Vegas show—police now say a teenage competitor is responsible.
- New Jersey police raid Antifa
New Jersey police finally moved on the Antifa mob—what forced the crackdown now?
- BLACKSTONE BLOODBATH: SEATTLE TOWER SELLING FOR A LOSS!
Blackstone’s tower fire sale signals downtown collapse, with vacancy soaring and buyers circling.
- Platner sexting scandal deepens
A Senate hopeful’s campaign is rocked by explicit texts—and the fallout could worsen tonight.
- MOST WANTED FOR MISPLACED TERMINAL HONESTY
Aimee Bock faces sentencing, while Minnesota’s paperwork heroes allegedly treated fraud like a group project.
- POLICE CLEAR RIOTS; LEFTOVERS LOOK CATERED
After the leftist yard sale got swept away, Newark’s ICE center revealed a very organized mess.
- Paris chaos: 219 injured…780 arrests
Paris celebrates PSG’s historic win, but streets erupt—hundreds injured, dozens badly hurt, arrests soaring.
- Supreme Leader Vanishes…
Washington says Iran’s top leader may be unreachable, even to his own officials—negotiations hang by a thread.
- Pearl Harbor teen returns home
A teenage sailor vanished at Pearl Harbor—now his name is finally coming home after 85 years.
- STARMER TOO SCARED?
Starmer under fire as his own crackdown stalls—critics say his backbenchers are calling the shots.
- GUS SAVES COURTHOUSE… NATIONAL THERAPY ANIMAL DAY
A county courthouse transforms when one four-legged visitor steps in, but why does it matter now?
- CALIFORNIA TRAIN FIASCO HITS $231 BILLION!
A billion dollars to dodge Cesar Chavez’s gravesite — and California’s rail nightmare deepens fast
- MUSLIM CITY SURGES FORWARD
A Texas judge just opened the door to a Muslim-led city, and opponents are sounding alarms.
- ILLEGAL ALIEN LICENCE TRAGEDY
Gavin Newsom’s California licensed him to drive, then two newlyweds were killed
- COOKIE MONSTER BUSTED IN NAKED BEDROOM HORROR
A child screaming in bed, a naked predator inside—how did this repeat offender slip through?
- STARMER ON THE ROPES?… SLEAZE PROBE ESCAPE
Keir Starmer dodges a sleaze probe, but one Tory says his days are numbered.
- TRUMP URGES CHILL PILL ON IRAN
Trump says Iran talks are delicate, but his all-caps complaint has weathered the real negotiating table.
- SCHUMER WARNS: KILL THE $1.8B SLUSH FUND!
Schumer declares war on a $1.8 billion fund Republicans can’t seem to escape
- PLATNER SCANDAL: SEX TEXTS, TATTOO, SMEARS
Scandal after scandal: Platner’s campaign cracks as explosive texts send loyal Democrats running
- FARA: NOW A BIPARTISAN CLUB
From seldom enforced to political piñata: FARA finally found a pulse, and a target.
- DUMOCRATS DEMAND COGNITIVE TESTS, OBVIOUSLY
Trump demands cognitive tests for presidents—just after acing the “I’m definitely fine” exam himself.
- EMBRACE PROTEST, THEN CALL CURFEW
New Jersey protests: from moral theater to projectiles, barriers, and a half-mile curfew encore.
- THE BOOK THAT BROKE THE WIFI
Parents now crowd board meetings with books; bureaucracy finally meets its natural predator, paper.
- NEWARK ICE PROTESTS, NOW WITH EXTRA POLICE
Newark gets barriers, chants, and state police—America’s most expensive group hug.
- Musk, Altman, Amodei IPO clash
Musk, Altman and Amodei are all moving toward Wall Street — and one market may not survive.
- SÁNCHEZ HOME UNDER SIEGE…
Protesters try to breach the prime minister’s residence as Spain’s political crisis explodes tonight.
- PRATT’S POWER-WASH PUNISHMENT
Los Angeles grime becomes Spencer Pratt’s billboard—and Karen Bass may have to erase it by cleaning the city.
- AOC KETAMINE CASH SCANDAL…
New filings raise fresh questions as AOC keeps paying a ketamine psychiatrist with campaign cash.
- ONE IN THREE… COUNTRY IN CRISIS!
One in three Americans say they’re in crisis—and the financial pain behind it is getting worse.
- MAXWELL BLACKMAIL BOMBSHELL?
Ted Waitt heads to Capitol Hill as Epstein file references raise fresh questions and pressure
- SHERIFF INDICTED IN JAILBREAK
A sheriff indicted, a jailbreak exposed, and investigators say this scandal reaches far deeper.
- BRAIN ZAPPER FOR DEPRESSION
A brain zapping headset just won FDA clearance—now the real question: does it actually work?
- 800,000 VOTERS FACE THE AXE IN OREGON
800,000 names on Oregon rolls—now the clock starts ticking on a massive purge