RENOIR, CEZANNE, MATISSE HEIST: ART COLLECTORS LOSE THREE MINUTES, THREE PAINTINGS

In a dazzling three-minute display of efficiency that makes your average DMV visit look like a triathlon, a gang of art burglars breezed into a quiet Italian museum near Parma and spirited away masterpieces by Renoir, Cézanne, and Matisse — apparently because who needs lunch breaks when you can grab millions in fine art instead? The Magnani Rocca Foundation, a private museum that curates a who's who of Old Masters yet can’t be bothered to update its website or answer phones on a Monday, must be thrilled with this spontaneous redecoration. Meanwhile, the local police, clearly astounded that art crime remains a thing even outside the big city, are on the case, no doubt working swiftly between espresso breaks. This minor hiccup comes hot on the heels of a jewelry heist at the Louvre, proving once again that Europe's cultural treasures are safer in a toddler’s playroom than under the watchful eyes of curators, alarms, and, one presumes, a variety of security cameras.