KOLLMAN REPORT DAILY NEWSCAST MAY 31

Well, folks, the news keeps coming, and this week’s headlines feel like the script for a political soap opera written by a committee that never met. Peter Doocy breaks big family news — finally, something we can all root for. Meanwhile, in Germany, 65,000 small stores vanished faster than a politician’s promise, along with 340,000 industrial jobs. Deindustrialization? More like de-business-ification. And if you thought your family reunions were complicated, Spain’s PM Sánchez and his socialists are juggling nine corruption cases. Nine! At this point, the Spanish government sounds less like a democracy and more like a bingo game — call out “corruption,” win a scandal.

**WASHINGTON CIRCUS REPORT**
Speaking of scandal, New Jersey’s Gov. Mikie Sherrill decided to play it cool by siding with anti-ICE protesters after some chaotic violence at a detention center. Nothing says “law and order” like picking a side in a brawl and hoping it doesn’t get too messy on camera. Meanwhile, leftist thugs are learning instant karma the hard way — one guy got shot through a very sensitive spot during a protest. That’s going to sting on the group chat. And in the always-serious world of political discourse, liberal panelist Faiz Shakir wants us to debate just how much Senator Graham Platner’s tattoos resemble Nazi symbols. Because when nation-states are fragile, the real crisis is ink aesthetics.

**MEDIA MIRROR**
Meanwhile, the media’s favorite bandmate, Morgan Wallen, channeled his inner Beethoven by smashing a piano on stage in Denver. Truly the sound of rage meets record sales. And our coverage of the Serbian president’s love letter to Donald Trump might explain a lot: apparently, Trump is “more popular” there because he’s “pragmatic” and “rational.” Serbia’s standards for those two words might be a little different, but hey, it’s international diplomacy through Instagram captions. And the NPR headline no one saw coming: Graham Platner texting explicit messages on a popular app. At this point, the man’s scandals are multitasking better than Congress.

**CLOWN WORLD**
In Atlanta, an elderly woman was brutally stabbed on a train in broad daylight. Crime this bad feels like the punchline to a joke nobody wants to hear. Meanwhile, the New Jersey protest scene is so wild even the cops are doubling down on pepper spray like they’re seasoning a salad. Germany’s disappearing stores make you wonder if the German national pastime is now ghost hunting. And a violent leftist protester hitting below the belt? Well, justice does have a sense of humor — and a wicked aim.

**GOOD NEWS, WE THINK**
Let’s end on something surprisingly optimistic — the Serbian president calling Donald Trump “pragmatic” and “rational.” Maybe all the chaos is just an elaborate foreign relations strategy. Or maybe, in a world full of hot takes, a little international enthusiasm for unpredictable pragmatism is exactly what the doctor didn’t order but we secretly need.

At least with scandals, protests, and celebrity tantrums, it’s comforting to know one thing is certain: the circus is always in town, and they never run out of clowns.