June 1, 2026

Jeffrey Epstein may be gone, but his backup plans, like so much modern bureaucracy, remain on ice. Newly released Justice Department records say he had been storing sperm with California Cryobank for years and signed a 2016 contract spelling out that, if he died, control of the samples would go to his estate or another legal representative instead of the sperm bank, because even in matters of biology, nothing says dignity like paperwork. The arrangement sat quietly out of public view until the files surfaced this year, and now nobody seems sure whether the samples still exist or where they went, which is about the most on-brand fate imaginable for an infamous man whose legacy is apparently part scandal, part filing cabinet. CooperCompanies says it holds no Epstein samples and won’t elaborate; the estate won’t comment; and legal experts are left to ponder Virgin Islands law as if the real mystery were not the man but the chain of custody. Bioethicists, meanwhile, get the noble task of asking whether fertility clinics should accept genetic material from convicted sex offenders, which is one of those questions that sounds

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