CHINA CRACKS DOWN ON APARTMENT ASHES: LANDLORDS FEEL HAUNTED BY LOST RENT

In a stunning twist that is sure to warm the cockles of bureaucrats everywhere, China has decided that housing your dearly departed's ashes in a spare apartment—what the kids are calling "bone ash apartments"—is just too affordable and practical for a country that enjoys keeping funeral costs lofty. Apparently, putting Grandma’s dust in a place with a fresh coat of paint and no creepy cemetery neighbors is a no-go, because nothing says respect like paying a small mortgage on a plot of land you still need to rent every 20 years while sparing no expense on a tombstone that costs more than your car. The government's move conveniently ignores the inconvenient fact that a funeral can swallow nearly half a person’s salary, but hey, who needs financial feasibility when you can have solemn tradition curated by hefty fees? Just in time for Tomb Sweeping Day, no less — because nothing says “honoring ancestors” like a last-minute government crackdown on affordable memorial alternatives.